lovely little secrets

Since you’re not what I want
You can take everything I’ve got
Take the seat, take the drive
If I say I love you, I am a liar

Since you been gone
My life has moved along quite nicely actually

(The Pretty Reckless)

I want to be in a band.

let’s be real….music is freaking awesome..

he pushed the hair out of my face and looked at me intently 

spewing words that meant different things to many

he gave me more compliments in 2 minutes

than you have ever said in 4 months

it’s just my kinda luck

that you never gave a f*ck

and he pushed the hair out of my face and kissed me

I let it happen unrregretably

barely understanding

it’s meaning

not predicting this bond that was kindling

of someone much more unavailable

than my heart is even willing

and it is good cause I am out of order as well

not working for the time being

but to see him meant so much more

so much more than 

what I had recently known

and that was irreplacable.

Life get’s thrown at you so fast and some days you sit there in the morning with your unstirred cup of coffee and your dreary eyes, rubbing your bed head thinking “Wow, what happened?”

How did all this happen when I remember a year ago  to date so clearly. People came and went out of your life that you never would have expected, your life plans changed drastically, things you hate you now love, or things you loved you now hate, it’s a whole new world.

A big new world to be discovered by the new you.

Your heart was broken and mended.

The boy you used to admire now has you laughing at yourself saying “Really, what was I thinking?”

your relationships, your hobbies, everything has changed…do you know who you are now?

I know for me personally one thing has stayed constant since I was 18…and I’m starting to scratch my head and wonder why…why I have this deep admiration for such a special individual?

and you want to know a secret….shhhhh…I lied to everyone around me about it :)

I’m not a very good liar but something told me I got away with this one.

I now am leading a very interesting life…

• ex-legalistic
• experimental
• health kick
• ex-food-indulgence
• free
• peaceful
• some sort of no strings attached 
• apathetic
• disappointment in some people you thought were absolutely wonderful
• shhhhhhh(homewrecker)hhhhh….as always
• the flow
• live and learning
• living in the moment

hmmmm….I wonder where 2011 will take me :)

hopefully far away from this one person’s emotional abuse and crappy friends with no loyalty.

so far so good and never been happier about cleaning all the toxic things out of my life :)

thecalmedsea:

“I love you to pieces, distraction, etc.” 

-J.D. Salinger (Franny and Zooey)

I now know what it feels like to be repulsed by someone.

That feeling when you think about them that makes your skin crawl.

Makes you cringe in disgust.

Makes you feel like you are gonna throw up anything you eat because it gives you such a putrid taste in your mouth.

I wish I could describe it better, all I know is

you disgust me far beyond than what I would have ever expected from somone of your stature.

All I know is God is Just.

I saw it last night when I saw the look on your face.

Enjoy living in your shameful disgrace, because no one who walks in Love would ever do what you did to me to any human being.

and what’s beautiful is I still have unconditional love for you, because Christ has called me to do just that. I feel a kind of sorry compassion for you.

Wish you and my nauseous stomach the best.

thanks you for contributing to one more “first” in my life.